In the back of my yard is a trampoline which my ex-wife and I bought for our children about seven years ago. It has since become the neighborhood playground.  On any given day you can see several kids bouncing and enjoying the weightless thrill that only a trampoline can provide.

Last weekend, while working outside in my yard I overhead one of the neighbor boys of about ten years ask another boy his same age who his parent’s were.  That’s a pretty typical question kids ask each other.

The boy stopped jumping, came to rest, turned to his friend, and then said after a moment of deliberation as if to engage the wheels in his brain: “I’m my dad’s girlfriend’s son.”  He then nonchalantly started jumping again trying to touch the clouds.

When I heard the question I stopped landscaping and I listened carefully for the answer.  Clearly the boy had given a lot of thought to that question before it was ever asked.  The boy, like all of us, had given thought to who he was, whose he was, and how he fit into the world of humanity.  Every one of us has asked those same questions.

Having coached clients around the world, I have seen the enormous cost of the breakdown of the family unit. So few children today grow up with a clear sense of identity and linage about who they are, their place in the world, and with lasting values that can best be imparted through a family setting.  I have observed the challenges and the pain that my own two children have had to go through over the last three years as they became part of another man’s life and had to learn how to live with step brothers in the same home shortly after our divorce.

I grew up watching “The Walton’s” on TV here in the US, which was all about a traditional family of parent’s and children who lived, laughed, loved, and struggled in family relationships in a rural mountain setting.  Those kinds of value based TV shows aren’t on TV or cable anymore and have been replaced by shows that model quasi-committed relationships with transient and point-of-use values that are often self serving.

As I repeated the answer again in my own mind “I am my dad’s girlfriend’s son” I couldn’t help but wonder how that boy would grow up over time and how his identity or lack thereof would affect him and his life choices.  To know who we are, we must know where we’ve come from.  A firm sense of identity is grounded in our history.

You may be asking yourself how it is that I came to be divorced if I believe so strongly in family values.  And it is a very valid question and one I can explore in a later article.  I am a firm believer that everything happens for our benefit if and only if we are willing to learn the lessons from those experiences.  I have learned a great deal about forgiveness, love, and acceptance through my divorce experience.  I am also of the opinion that many painful lessons in life can be avoided if we are willing to live within the boundaries of true values and principles.

I have built a company and am building my life on six life changing values and success habits.  Discovering those values and working to live in alignment with them has been life changing for me and far from easy. And I have a long way to go.  I am a work in progress and far from perfect and I have learned not to judge others but to accept people for who they are even if I don’t agree with what they do.  And I am learning to accept and love myself on this amazing journey called Life.

Today I have excellent relationships with my two amazing, loving, gifted children and with my ex-wife and her husband.  I have learned the value in saying “I love you” and saying it often to my children.  I have learned that family is more than a word, it is a place where children call home and it is the sanctuary of their souls and a place where they learn how to be who they are.  Whatever you do, work to make home a place where your kids get the values you want them to have.  Be involved.  Be real.  And be honest with them.

Until next time— Carpe Diem!

Cliff Stockamp
CEO and Founder of Total Success Institute LLC.
Email me your comments:  cliff@totalsuccessinstitute.com
www.totalsuccessinstitute.com